Showing Up in the World
I have long been hesitant to label anything as sacred or spiritual given my belief that all things are connected and at one with whatever divine we relate to. However, there is a lack of words to be given to certain spaces I have held over the last 16 years of life and ministry. Sacred seems to keep coming back to me. First, allow me to explain some recent shifts within myself.
Throughout the last three years, many things have caused me to, once again, take a step back and evaluate myself. I spent a great deal of time and energy assessing who I am and how I have engaged various people and places. This journey called life has been one filled with these times and at 37 years old, I feel like I am finally settling into how I would like to continue to show up in the world. Finding what rings true for me and how I can live into a higher sense of self and my own personal connection to the divine. I have looked back at as much of my life as I can remember and seen the times and ways that I have shown up in the world. For a large portion of my life, I showed up with anger, hostility, sternness, and negative criticism. These were adrenaline-producing times, but not life-giving times.
However, in ministry and in many personal relationships, I showed up in a much different way. I showed up with a listening ear, a sense of empathy and compassion, grounded, calm, and patient. These were the times I felt something move through me that was life-giving. Thanks to endless hours of therapy and some key people who have come through my life in the last few years, I have come to be able to distinguish the difference between the two. It’s been a life-changing discovery for me.
So, as I look back through spaces I have held with people, sacred is the only word that keeps coming back.
How else do you describe listening to a teenager relay the sexual exploitation she has been through and buying a pregnancy test for her to ease her fears? Only then to have her hard exterior crumble and a sense of trust be established. Or the space held when the mother of a boy with brain defects at birth talks about her son finally coming out of his shell after coming into youth group. Tears streaming as she talks about that fact that he finally has friends because we have created a space that allowed him to thrive. Or the space held when an old friend reaches out to put words to the sexuality they have carried inside for their whole life. Or the Lyft ride I gave where a woman had just left a bar. She was crying because she doesn’t have the body she used to have and feels unnoticed when she goes out. Or the cashier who finally smiled because you called them by name and complimented their work.
I have countless stories like these and I am sure you have many as well. Perhaps there is a wordsmith reading this that could help me find a better way to describe these but for now, I will continue to use the word sacred and I will continue to show up in the world in a way that is life-giving for me. You won’t find me in the streets shouting and marching. You’ll find me in the youth room, on the phone, at a coffee shop, gathered around my dining table, on a hiking trail, or anywhere else I can listen, validate, and offer support. May we all show up in the ways we are able to and that give us life. Shalom, friends.
-Bryan Lee, Minister with Youth and Their Families
